Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
