i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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