Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
