just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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