and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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