you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
