Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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