Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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