She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
