My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize