You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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