just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
