Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
