Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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