I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
