i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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