apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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