I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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