We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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