So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize