She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
