Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I don't deserve a penis
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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