I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
