I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
