Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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