tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My dick has a subreddit
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
