just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
