Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
