but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
