Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
