What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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