is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
