I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
3 2 1 whiskey
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
