I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
