Quick, to the slutcave!
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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