Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
