do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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