how hairy? two words: wookie tits
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
