Only a mothe r could love this liver
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
