why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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