I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm getting married
To pizza
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize