Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
