i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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