i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
