hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
