I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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