BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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