The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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