yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize