I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
