i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
