you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
