Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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