some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
