I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
