Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
foreskin is a definite game changer
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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