Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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