lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
