Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
