she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
