He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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