the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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