He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
