Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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