dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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