i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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