when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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