I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
