I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
