My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
