so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
