If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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